Craig Cockburn
1 min readAug 2, 2019

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You seem to be repeatedly asking rhetorical questions or talking to yourself. This folksy style, especially popular in the US, is excessive and dilutes what you are trying to say. If the reader wasn’t seeing a trend then you’ve maybe just made them feel stupid.

This is a really compelling message but you don’t make it so well by talking to yourself or devaluing the reader.

“ Why is that? And what’s behind this global mega trend of lost decades, anyways? The answer, my friends — which Americans won’t like to hear about — is capitalism.”

How about “The uncomfortable root cause of these global mega trends is capitalism”. No question needed. Shorter point. More succinct, more punchy. Easier to get on with the point that needs to be made.

Write less, say more.

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Craig Cockburn
Craig Cockburn

Written by Craig Cockburn

Freelance IT Professional, Lean Agile Coach. Wrote UK's first guide to getting online. Non Exec Director. From Dunblane, Perthshire. www.craigcockburn.com

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